Rehab - Day 23

Actually got woken up by the sun streaming in this morning - a not very welcome change! At 6.00 am the nurse came with injection and I asked her to shut the sun out!! They came bustling in with pills while I was having breakfast and I was certainly not enthused about facing the world today so put off getting up for shower and then later, put off getting up at all - fell down in a heap about the usual things: miss my puppies, my home, will I get better, ya da ya da -- and also think I was more upset about the results of the test yesterday than I thought.

Had a total mental health day - no physio, no OT and didn't get out of bed all day - this has just gone on sooo long and tho the end is supposedly in sight, it doesn't seem that way, it just seems neverending to me today. Let's face it, mid-January is the earliest I can expect to be out of here -- that isn't to say, I will be out of here then. I'm just so totally dependent on other people's decisions and makes me feel totally helpless.

I started on the re-design of Michael's site today which kept me occupied quite happily - still a way to go but at least have started and it meant I didn't just waste my day getting even more depressed. When I uploaded it, I got a blank site, so who knows what I did - LOL - and when I tried to find out, I kept being interrupted so couldn't think - decided to return to it tomorrow when perhaps people wouldn't keep popping in to visit poor depressed Di!! Poor depressed Di could have sent them all to perdition *EG*

Praline popped in to tell me she'd booked me in with Nick for 2.30pm tomorrow - and we would be trying walking stick/s. I'm more worried about sit/standing from the wheelchair still: walking isn't a problem even if stamina still is. But got over-ruled as usual, so tomorrow will be walking stick/s *sigh*. Then Penny came to see me about the test yesterday and she said nowt will change until she has a chance to see the xrays of the barium test for herself. After all our hard work (here and at the hospital), she's having a hard time believing I would regress rather than progress, as I did. How can you be aspirating into your lungs when you don't cough and have no sign of infection or any other symptom?? So I will wait on her decision - I would be happy to go back to how I was before 7 months in hospital (without the 3 Magnums per day!!) but too many variables have changed: trachie, feeding tube, muscles unused for so long etc, so probably couldn't anyroad. *double sigh* - why is everything so hard!

I spent the night after tea (spaghetti bolognese - very slow, careful meal, lol) playing Sim Farm and listening to the nurses fight with Peter if he could have a last cigarette that he insisted Scott (Nurse Supervisor/Administrator) had said he could have tho of course, Scott had gone home. It escalated into bad temper and swearing which made the nurses even more determined to withhold that bloody cigarette and sending him to bed. God, I get so bored with the interminable arguments about whether he's been a "good boy" so he can have a cigarette. I had to laugh later cos to show them, he peed on the floor and Mary and Charlotte had to clean it up - hee!!

I ended up not going to sleep until 1.00 a.m. cos was enjoying myself too much with Sim Farm but once I settled, went out like a light.